...Without a Fanny Pack...
Before you buckle in on the long flight to go wandering around Thailand, first unbuckle that fanny pack. Leave it at home, along with any fears of the unknown as you land on the other side of the globe. Not only will you confirm that the world isn’t flat after all, you will discover it’s actually rather well rounded. Good people to be found everywhere, especially in the Land of Smiles (a couple of Bangkok cab drivers excluded).
Thailand Observations
Wander Thailand
What I learned about Thailand on this trip:
- The unaccompanied western men wandering around Bangkok indeed seem to be pervs. Fanny packs still don’t work on men. Especially those men.
- Street food looks tasty until you inadvertently see how they wash their cookware.
- Asians have mastered selective language skills when negotiating. If terms are ebbing away from their favor, it’s me no speak English. When its time to communicate a desirable amount owed, they articulate with the clarity of James Earl Jones.
- On a 15 hr international flight, there are no language barriers with a screaming baby.
- 7-11s are everywhere. And massage parlors. Didn’t see a 7-11 with a massage parlor but that could be big.
- Pirated liquor is a problem overseas. While the bottle is a perfect replica of your favorite brand, don’t buy your spirits at a convenience store unless you have a taste for petrol flavored vodka.
- Memorize the drink menu at a Thai restaurant because they always take it after the first order, even if the place is empty. Hate to micromanage with Western practices but that may not be the best tactic for increasing sales.
- Beggars on our streets have no game compared to their counterparts in Thailand. Hey local panhandler: set up by the mall when you are missing limbs and have a face burned off with acid. Commit to your career and go big or go home!
Wander Around Thai
- Asians wear surgical masks a lot. Odd quirk or do they know something we don’t? Hmm. Update: how prophetic to have written this prior to 2020. Yikes.
- Driving in Thailand makes I95 by D.C. look like a Sunday ride to grandma’s in the country. Traffic laws are suggestions. Scooters are everywhere and Scooter lives don’t matter. Helmets are for the men, not the women and children riding on the back or the newborn riding in the front.
- I saw Thai women ride motorbikes with X-games skill level. At least I think they were women.
- Riding a scooter on the left side of the road in Koh Samui is a challenge. Don’t even try it in Bangkok. There it’s a challenge just to cross the street. Contrary to instincts, pedestrians usually win playing chicken against cars; never against scooters. To the Thais credit they seem to navigate all this without much incident, blaring horns or road rage. In the U.S. there is more angst leaving the Costco parking lot on a Friday. Props Thais. Maybe it’s all the massage parlors.
- Always meet up with a lovely travel companion when you explore Thailand (especially if you are an unaccompanied western man)
Wandering Thailand Like a Fool
Bangkok
Guide to wandering around Thailand.
Koh Samui
Chillin at the W in Koh Samui. Maybe a little too chill. Very quiet there in October. Odd vibe but nice resort. Beautiful views. They say its possible you can even find a view without a W in it. So they say
As far away on the globe as can be yet I found myself feeling right at home. Whenever I dig into some spicy pad Thai, I find myself reliving all the adventures and misadventures from this trip. Such an exotic and welcoming land, even if you hail from the flat side of Earth. The Land of Smiles is appropriately named and I’ll be wandering around Thailand in a future return visit. Maybe even with a fanny pack.
Tips from the ‘Fool
Travelers tips for Wandering Around Thailand:
- Think twice about where you buy your liquor. Shop a mainstream grocery if possible
- As for the islands, I recommend Phi Phi over Samui. Gotta hit an island or two when wandering around Thailand
- Don’t opt for the fish entrée on the flight to an Asian country. It’s regrettable I’m even in a position to give that advice
- Be careful with cabs and ubers in Bangkok. If possible, run it through hotel staff. Additionally I offer the same advice as anywhere with big language barriers. Have the address or a pic of your destination on your phone to show the driver. We encountered a psycho cab driver who was furious at us for reasons we never understood
- If you rent a scooter be super careful. Left side drive! Plus they are good at it. You are not. A thrilling but dangerous way to explore Thailand
- Look both ways before you cross the street and then run like hell. Let your companion fend for themselves
- Hold the drink menu if you plan to stay for more than one. Do not let the waiter grab it back
- Be careful in the red light districts. The streets are safe enough but some of the bars are suspect. Hint: if there is any reference to ping pong balls with the live entertainment, watch yourself
- If you are a man and fall victim to a pickpocket, take comfort in the fact you weren’t carrying a fanny pack. You may have lost all your money but you retained your dignity. Don’t trying begging to get your funds back however. You won’t compete. Try the massage trade
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