Southwest
Seat Selection
....the Gauntlet...
Wanna get away? You are now free to move about the country…but first you have to find a seat. Welcome to the gauntlet known as Southwest seat selection.
That otherwise friendly airline hosts one of the last bastions of social cutthroat. You know the drill. Pick a seat once you board. Sounds simple but next thing you know, we of a certain age are back in grade school. Back before feelings mattered. Picking a team on the playground. Choosing a square dance partner. Exactly the type of Wonder Years experiences that set the table for therapy later in life.
Southwest seat selection is a dance on that same dark side. Ah but with a twist. Roles have been reversed. If you happen to be hideous or morbidly obese, you stand to win. If you are gorgeous, you will lose. Perhaps it’s karma from prom season. Regardless, we will explore how to come out on top when you board the blue, red and yellow.
Rules of Engagement
For our purposes, we are assuming the aircraft consists of three seater rows and the mission is to claim a spot with no adjoining seat mate or perhaps even a whole row to yourself. Do it yourself first class. Note all bets are off if you intend to bail out quickly upon landing due to a quick connector, crucial meeting or rumblings of intestinal distress. If the latter please see this restroom guide but in all such cases, simply take a seat as far front as possible and hope for the best.
Hunter or Hunted
Remember, Southwest seat selection is a game of survival. Discovery channel stuff. When you are seeking a seat, you are the hunter. Once seated, you are the hunted. Do not lose your edge.
Southwest Seat Selection Strategies
Upgrade
The one angle where Southwest will let you better your cause, for a price, is by upgrading the boarding group. You head to the front of the line so it stands to reason you will have a much better seat choice. Side note: if you do purchase this option, be vigilant about those who drift into line pretending they don’t understand the procedure. They do. In a loud voice explain that C 44 is not A 10. You will be a hero to the other sheep standing silently.
So the early boarding group puts you in a position to pick a seat. You have a leg up on the competition. If you board later, all is not lost but the concept of beggars can’t be choosers comes into play. Just like prom night.
Due Diligence
As the line starts to form at the boarding gate, the pro move is to perform due diligence on how full the flight will be. Hold onto that data.
Occupied row
You are on board and greet the flight attendant. Turn right and it’s time to take action. The first instinct is to jump into an open row. Not so fast. If your due diligence at the gate indicates space will be limited, don’t gamble. Find a row with someone in the aisle and take the window. Or vice versa. Your new alliance places both of you in a solid position to achieve middle seat vacancy while the masses focus attention elsewhere.
Open Row
If you have concluded the flight isn’t full, the open row is the right decision. With any luck, along with some additional strategies forthcoming, you can find yourself in a semi-private or fully private row.
Southwest seat selection strategies.
Aisle or Window
This is a tricky call when stepping into an open row. Claiming the aisle seat is the alpha play. It’s a barrier to entry and sends a signal for others to keep moving. Natural conflict avoidance. Remember young Forrest Gump on the school bus? This seat’s taken! To strengthen your position, buckle the seat belt and throw your bag on the middle seat. You have planted the flag. Marked your territory. It’s the move to make if you are going for broke with an eye toward a row to yourself.
The downside to the aisle seat is that if and when someone does come a knocking, you have to pick yourself up and cause all manner of disruption to the boarding process. Furthermore if you actually want the window seat, you might have technically lost that privilege. Your call.
Front or back
Are you better off in the front or back? Chances are the back. If you claim an open row in the front, you have to be aggressive and take the aisle seat. Indeed you will feel like a boss for a while. You will watch passenger after passenger glance at you with envy. While some will pause to consider sliding in, these latter boarding passengers are humble and programmed to view the front area as first class. Real estate they have never occupied. Heck they didn’t even plunk down the extra twenty bucks to get out of group C. While they hate you, they respect you. They view themselves as unworthy and will shuffle on down the aisle.
For a while that is. As soon as the aisle clogs, those in group C will look at the long line ahead and assume, incorrectly, that there are no seats in the rear. Plus there will always be plenty of people motivated to get off the plane quickly. That faction will quite likely include those with intestinal distress. Be warned.
So it may take some time, but your prime spot up front will eventually be desired by others. As such, the middle to back of the plane presents the best opportunity for open row success.
Strategies to selecting Seats on Southwest airlines.
The Sociopath
Level One Sociopath
This is where things get interesting and why you come to this site. The game changing insight. You have picked your seat. Is all that’s left just to sit idly and hope for the best? Not by a long shot. It doesn’t take much to separate yourself from the pack and be the one to avoid. So instead of chilling pleasantly and throwing off positive mojo like you did at the airport bar (and it helps if you have in fact spent time there), try some combination of these techniques:
- Appear out of sorts. Stare at your shoes
- Do the opposite and make intense, awkward eye contact with everyone coming down the aisle
- Cover up in the blanket even if its summer
- Look the part. Wear a top hat or Viking horns. Add dark sunglasses
- Bring on a large plate of Chinese food and start chowing
The crowd will file on by.
Level Two Sociopath
This is cutting edge, elite status. Not for the faint of heart. Aisle seat? Middle seat? Heck with that. Sit your behind down in the middle seat. All by yourself. This will not compute to the other passengers. While they may give brief consideration to the notion that you’re saving seats for family, they will more than likely just assume you are a serial killer. Their pace will hasten as they move past you.
Level Three Sociopath
Combine level one and level two. It’s all but guaranteed that you will have the row to yourself, unless every single seat on the plane is sold. Even then you still might.
Southwest is the airline that used to hand us free peanuts until dietary considerations (and litigation concerns) arising from allergies ceased that practice. Now with mental health becoming more in the forefront, it probably won’t be long before the gauntlet known as Southwest seat selection also becomes a thing of the past. Too much social pressure and angst. Too much therapy wiped out. Meanwhile, enjoy the row to yourself.
Seat selection strategy for Southwest
